So I awake only to sleep?

.... Today I woke up, just like everyday the sun came up. And so I took a breath and lied back down wishing I could live in my dreams again, but the snooze alarm went off for the second time. So in reality I must drift.
The last week has been less then stellar, so I have been wanting to sleep more often. ...It seems everything is falling down on me again.... K, I am being really honest with this.... I don't know what's wrong with me.. Well maybe I do.. But it should not bug me. I should be happy ... And I was for two or three weeks.
Then I woke up just like I did this morning, but things changed and all of life seemed unmanageable. I have neglected a lot in the last mouth, things that I felt important to work on. Regulating my body, mind and spirit. I exercised, I tried to eat well, I wrote in my journals. But I have neglected those things in last month, but its not just that but the other.... The other is what is driving me nuts.. I was getting over, I thought it was done, but it appears it is not, far from done. ...
I can only seem to watch now, I can't seem to get a single sentence out there to help climb back ashore of my life. Why do I care so much? Why do I put so much emotion into this? I see it slipping. It was a hope I guess I always secretly held. I still do I guess. But I see so much that appears... Well it appears that the world is moving on without me. Its over in everybody else's mind and I don't know where to turn. Because it is still alive in mine.
Oh I diagnose myself, maybe its this or that; I take a deep look inside. But the "what ifs?" cannot be answered. Maybe it is just "It is" and that's that! But I refuse that as well. There is no turning points in sight...Just... The .....Same.....Straight.....Line.. So I travel back, back and back into those oh familiar feelings of apathy, Not...Not doing anything except breathing and trying to move forward in this stagnate progression of wills. I want but don't have. I feel but can't act. So maybe I will sleep the sleep of dust, or lie down and dream until I rust.
Good-bye listener THIS IS MY NOISE!

~B-Ron