From

I realize I must appear to many as very foolish… very foolish indeed. Here I am with another headache. I sometimes think this chronic problem of being over whelmed with feelings could be a real live sickness of the mind. But then I think to my self “your being mellow dramatic”. I know I am different then others. I am a hopeless romantic! Wow! I sound foolish even to my self. I am over sensitive to my surroundings, to all aspects of life.

I really search hard for beauty. My eyes hurt from looking, I see such ugliness. I just took a weekend to the city. And I am drained! I see such loneliness, just materialism! How could I ever live in just a place? But yet I feel hope and see something. It’s a sort of beauty mixed amongst the slime and decay. The city lights, the smiling people, the park beside the river. I think to myself “maybe I can explore some beauty here”. There are people here like everywhere else. They portray beauty and despair.

Here I am in a lonely place. I am tired and worn but I see a thin light. I am growing weak with the effort I am putting in to life. In my weakened state I have let things slide.

Take Breath and live again, drink from the source! Oh Lord I pray to thee “take my hand” guide me along this desert path, heal my parched lips. Give me the passion to go on. Put my mind in a place of health.. Let me sleep and find rest.

I have been tired for so long. No sleep has helped. I have loved so much that my hands grow weak trying to hold my love for others above my head. I see I have been trying again to do this myself. My Lord has been waiting behind my last step. Oh foolish me! I did see Jesus standing right behind me! I forget sometime I guess, I don’t know how but I did it again. I step aside and let him come beside me, preparing to step back so he can tow the line.

To you who is reading: I love you I am sure, but I am learning. And when my mistakes consume me. I start again. This time again with prayer and trembling. This is how I should have loved you the first place.

ALL the good in me is not my own, It is all from the one who let me see beauty!

God Bless
B~ron