Heavy Souls

It began at the beginning of time. Man opened his eyes and he felt a burden. The first thing on his mind was a question. From the first uncomfortable moment of life, man asked, "Why?" Human life consists of question such as these, most of them concerning one's identity.

We are "beings," but what does that mean? I think, therefore I am? Or perhaps more accurately: I am loved, therefore I am.

From the philosopher to the theologian mankind has been asking these questions of our humanity. We live out these questions in our daily lives. We learn through pain, but we continue to live and function. Well, at least most of us do.

Most people give themselves quaint little answers and put the questions to the back of their minds. But for some that is not so easy. Some question the given answers and do not live with the questions at the back of their minds, but question their very existence, every day.

"Being" is so complex as to force some to continually search for a way: a way to live with their heavy souls. Few make it past the searching stage, and even fewer find what they are searching for. There is an intense sadness in their eyes, and huge burdens on their hearts. They portray a beauty like no other, a true beauty that comes from within. That is why we see the whole of society weep at their passing. They are forgotten in life and legends in death.

The poet, the artist, the hopeless romantic! They are not normal, but they are beautiful. We watch them often self-destruct in front of our very eyes, yet we cannot change them to fit our mold. They will question until they find the answer, or die trying. They will not be put into a box; they will not be labeled.

People ask: "Why can't you be happy? Why don't you find a job?" I guess it is not so easy. Some say it is a chemical imbalance in the brain. "They don't see things the same as us." That is true! They don't see the same. They see beauty, when you do not. They take the time to see the world turn around and around. They dream every night and all day long. Their dreams consume them. Their hope cannot be surpassed. They fall the hardest and don't seem to bounce back as easily as most. They see the shadows and demons lurking. They see so much that you do not. "Therapy! They need Therapy!", "Drugs! They need Drugs!" Why? So they don't offend you?, so you can be satisfied that you are normal and they are weird? So you can keep your world view intact? So you won't be challenged?

Why would you want to kill the beauty they portray? They need encouragement and healthy and proper ways to live out their art. Their souls should be protected. We should give them shelter and rest on their weary journey. Their whole life is but a dance. THEIR WHOLE LIFE! Not just sections or Saturday nights. Everything they do has a purpose and meaning! They cry, they run, they yell into the darkness and laugh in the light. They write about what they see, and we say we do not get it. We laugh at them, we try to explain away their lives with our logic. Our logic has broken their hearts!

How many are lost in life and die trying to find a way to survive in a world that does not understand them? They walk around with tears in their eyes, having given up on everything because they can find nothing of substance. Or they are killed by the ones they love, their souls crushed in their lovers' hands. Their friends and family take their trust and manipulate them. They are not as strong emotionally as the everyday person, and people use that against them. Or they end it all with single acts of final poetry. Their burdens are heavy and we make them that much heavier with our self-indulged reasoning heaped on their emotional baggage like a water balloon about to explode from too much pressure. They kill themselves with drugs, alcohol or their weapons of choice.

How many have been lost? Many, such as Kurt Cobain, Jim Morrison, Jimmy Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Tupac Shakur, Edgar Allen Poe, Elvis, Marilyn Monroe, Shannon Hoon.

How many are on their way to the same place? Hundreds more! Few are saved! I pray for those who have been given this blessing and curse. Whose hearts bleed from lack of love, who look for anything to fill the void. The searchers and the wanderers looking for answers. The lonely looking for a home. The bruised and the forgotten.

In Love and Life!

B~ron


"Oh why give light to those in misery, and life to those who are bitter? They long for death, and it won’t come. They search for death more eagerly than for hidden treasure. They’re filled with joy when they finally die, and rejoice when they find the grave. Why is life given to those with no future, those God has surrounded with difficulties? I cannot eat for sighing; my groans pour out like water. What I always feared has happened to me. What I dreaded has come true. I have no peace, no quietness. I have no rest; only trouble comes."-Job 3:20-26